Paris Hilton Is Today’s Nixon

You gotta love the Yanks! Only they can take a semi-serious entertainment tit-bit and turn it into a full-blown absurdity, media circus and all. What triggered this rant was the news that Paris Hilton [If you don’t know who she is, just google her. Guys, just make sure there are no kids, wives, gfs, or co-workers around when you do… it could end up NSFW and you may need a petition yourself! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!] was arrested for driving without a license, her license having been suspended because she was caught driving while drunk more than once. It turns out that judge has ordered her to serve 45 days in jail for this offense, to which some “fan” has decided to start an online petition to get the Governor Arnold “Terminator” Schwarzenegger [wow I spelt it right at the first go] to overturn her sentence and be more lenient, i.e. no jail time. Little wonder that its being officially endorsed by the guilty party in question.

What had me in stitches was the text of the actual petition. I’m enclosing my favorite parts here for you all to see. The original is here for all you curious types to see in its unadulterated stupidity. Onwards:

1. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.

My Take: Ehhhhhhhmmmmmmmm, provides hope??? Hope of what??? Excitement??? Well…….. debatable, maybe if you’re really drunk [see previous comment on googling Paris Hilton…]

2. We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn’t go to jail, either.

My Take: Hmmmmm… I believe the punishment for DUI is at least a night in jail pending trial. So they’re saying she’s wrong but shouldn’t be punished as per the law? Hypocrites!

3. Please allow her to her return to her career and life. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn’t hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson. She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court yesterday.She is distraught and understandably afraid.

My Take: Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm! She’s an actress and she’s “sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully”? Ok, it must be true ’cause she’s a crap actress anyway. But that’s a hell of a reason to escape punishment! Can any sane judge really be swayed by a statement like, “I’m so sorry, Your Honor! I’m sorry that I was caught driving drunk for the third time! I won’t do it again! I promise! Please believe me! I’m being sincere! And I’m crying! See? No glycerin! Please your honor! Don’t punish me!”

And my absolute favorite:
4. If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we hope and expect The Governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton.

My Take: Poor Nixon. He lost to Kennedy cause he looked like crap on TV compared to JFK [unlucky for him TV was invented before 1960], and now he’s got to compete with Paris Hilton for the title of “World’s Most Un-Deserving Pardon”??? How can you even compare the two??? Jeesh, let the poor man have some claim to fame for people to remember him by.

Okay, so I put most of the petition here. But, it was just too funny. What’s really hilarious, and a bit disturbing, is that at the time of writing this post over 25,000 people have actually signed the petition. So that means that there are over 25,000 “certified” morons who feel that Paris Hilton provides hope and excitement to people worldwide [I still don’t get this logic!], is sincere and remorseful and won’t drink and drive again despite being caught 3 times already, and should be pardoned ’cause Nixon was pardoned by Ford.

Hell of an argument, ain’t it! Like I said, you gotta give it to the Yanks! Man, what inanity! Another for the “Monumental Stupidity Awards for 2007″ list. Wow, I’m building quite a list!

My Kind of Lingo

A friend of mine sent this to me this morning. I just had to share this with you guys as it had me in stitches. Enjoy and share these with others. I definitely will start using them from now on.

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this years winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone: (n.) the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation of yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration: (n) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Girafitti: Vandalism spray painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? and then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a
serious bummer.

12. Decafalon: The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole

Hahahahaha… Ignoranus… priceless….

Damn The Word, Hail The Gun

Well, it’s started. In the aftermath of this week’s Virginia Tech shootings, I’ve had this nagging feeling that this is going to lead to some extreme reactions, blowing things out proportion. Please do understand I am in no way diminishing or making light of what happened at VT. What happened was sickening, and my condolences go out to all those who were affected by this horrible event. When I talk about blowing things out of proportion, I’m referring to the reactionary measures that are bound to follow that do not logically have much relevance to this event. I’m being a little cryptic I know, but bear with me. I don’t want people to think that I’m actually condoning this sort of behavior.

I just read an article titled Student Arrested over Va. Tech Remarks, which mentions that a 22-year old university student has been arrested for, I quote, “… making comments that classmates deemed sympathetic toward the gunman blamed for killing 32 students and himself at Virginia Tech.”. It goes on to say that he was “angry about all kinds of things from the fluorescent light bulbs to the unpainted walls, and it made him angry enough to kill people.”

Does this strike anyone else as a tad too extreme? Yes, this kid may need some serious mental help, but arresting him for just saying something??? That’s just going too damn far and being too damn paranoid. How many times have you used the phrase, “I’ll kill you!” or something similar, at someone? According to the police in Colorado, making such a statement is a crime that can get you arrested. Just where do you draw the line between a plain statement and criminal intent? How do you do this? You can’t just go out and arrest everyone who says “I want to hurt someone!” If that was the case, the jails would be overflowing with people who said stuff like, “Put out the trash now, or I’ll beat the crap out of you…”

What I expect to happen now is that any person who makes a statement, verbal or written, that in someway makes someone nervous, especially in some sort of academic environment, will be presumed guilty of criminal intent. So, anyone who writes a dark story, or play, is suspect. Just imagine if this had happened sometime in the past. Do you think Stephen King or even Edgar Allen Poe would have been let off the hook? Nope, they would have been branded as insane, and locked away. And in those days, human rights was just a funny word, not a public sentiment.

But beyond all this, there is a much larger issue. Gun Control. Cue the NRA [National Rifle Association] and its propaganda circus. Consider the dichotomy that exists in the US. Its the right of every citizen to own a gun [so says the NRA]. But a person does not have the right to say or write, “I want to hurt some people”! I can own a weapon which I can use to shoot you, but I can’t say “I’ll beat the shit out of you!”??? Huh??? Which is more lethal??? Never mind the whole Freedom of Speech issue at hand as well…

Anyone above the age of 18 can go out and legally buy a gun in the US. And you can very easily get a gun illegally if you don’t want to endure the mandatory waiting period of a few days or don’t want to reveal your identity. Even assault weapons can be legally purchased. Why the heck would you need a Uzi or Kalashnikov in every home?

The old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is the mantra politicians should be following if they’re sane. Words are just words. Yes, they may imply some sort of mental imbalance and cause others some mental anguish, but they can’t physically affect a person. But if you make it possible to translate words in action by making weapons accessible to the wackos out there, then you’re only asking for trouble. Make it difficult to get a hold of weapons. Then you make it easier to deal with these lunatics.

At times, I feel we’re on the borderline of insanity. We take offense too easily and make a huge hue and cry when someone says something we don’t like, and we start imposing all sorts of controls and regulations to limit what people can and can’t say. For example, pPeople get monumentally upset when you refer to a person as a “dwarf”, not “a vertically challenged person.” But at the same time we don’t do a damn thing to make it illegal for people to buy guns and other weapons, and make all sorts of stupid statements like “Its a constitutional right” or “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”

What a load of utter horse shit! Make it illegal to own a gun. Severely punish those who break the law and obtain guns illegally. It’s time for the politicians to start acting like sane human beings and say, “Enough is Enough! Guns kill people! We don’t want guns in our homes, near our families, and on our streets!” Charlton Heston [he’s the President of the NRA] can say what ever he wants, but there are no wild frontiers anymore to tame, so there are no more wild animals and “wild savages” to protect against here. You don’t need guns to survive these days.

People. Use your bloody brains.

Hail The Word, Damn The Gun. That’s what your mantra should be.

P.S While this is a US-centric post, this message is for whole damn world. Wake up and smell the coffee people. Help get rid of guns in your country. You’ll be far better off for it.